WASHINGTON—Decrying the un-American nature of any activity intended to provide amusement or the slightest bit of diversion, conservatives across the country announced an immediate boycott Tuesday of all forms of entertainment. “The insidious liberal bias in music, movies, literature, and television is just the tip of the iceberg,” said Nashville, TN, resident Drew Cardona, one of the millions of conservatives nationwide seen dragging trash cans overstuffed with books, laptops, and artwork to the edge of their driveway, not to mention others observed in groups setting fire to piles of game consoles. “Leftist ideology has tainted literally every form of expression. I posted a video of me backing over a guitar with my truck, but even making a video somehow felt too progressive, so I destroyed my phone too. I don’t even fantasize about anything anymore. Who knows if my own imagination has been contaminated by leftists? I mean, whatever happened to decent people just sitting perfectly still and engaging with nothing?” At press time, the nation’s conservatives had decided to make an exception for certain Facebook memes.
