Today Victor and I were driving home and I said, “The other day I saw an iguana sunning himself on our neighbors fence” and Victor looked at me like I was crazy but I know what I saw. And when we turned it I was like, “THERE IT FUCKING IS! DO YOU NOT SEE THAT IGUANA PERCHED ON THE GATE?”
And Victor was like, “Huh” and I said, “I bet it’s someone’s pet. Hang on. I need to catch it” and so I jumped out of the car and Victor was like, “You need to what now?” but I was hearing nothing of it because I was already right about iguanas running wild in the neighborhood and could not be stopped. And so I snuck up on it very quietly and slowly and a neighbor was watching me while watering his lawn but I didn’t let that stop me because he was going to feel really stupid when I was wrangling someone’s beloved iguana, and it would have been very impressive if the iguana didn’t turn out to be a very iguana-shaped piece of wood.
So I got back into the car and when Victor asked where the iguana was I was like, “Oh, it’s dead” which is not entirely inaccurate because that piece of wood was not alive.
And then I saw this thing on threads from WebMD about how if you have a fold in your ear you’re going to die and I totally have a fold in my ear so I texted my doctors office:
Anyway, this is just to say that it’s not even 1 in the afternoon and I have already fucked up publicly multiple times so if you are having a bad day, just know that you are among friends.
PS. I’ll be announcing book tour stops for HOW TO BE OKAY WHEN NOTHING IS OKAY in the next day or two if I can get my shit together so watch this space. 🙂