—email—
Dear Frank,
I was the one who sent this in September of 2007. It was September of my freshman year in high school and I had just gotten out of a deep depression. On April 25th, 2007, I had written the note, thinking that life would never get better than my depressed, 14-year old existence. But for whatever wonderful reason, I kept going. Oddly enough, I didn’t get rid of the suicide note. I’m not sure what was stopping me.
I had wanted to send in a secret since I discovered Postsecret in 7th grade in the midst of my first bout of depression. I instantly fell in love with it. I try realized that other people were in just as much pain as I was. When I started to feel better, I realize I needed to get rid of the note. I thought that ripping it up and sending it to Postsecret was the best way to do it.
I am now almost 23 and studying to be a social worker. Right now, I want to do mental health advocacy. I want people to be able to access treatment and realize they’re not alone.
But I’ve also been struggling. This year, my depression came back with a vengeance, along with an eating disorder. Monday night, I I was exhausted and sick from days of restricting. I was so frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t seem to get better. I lied in my bed and begged God to take away my pain. I was so afraid of my own pain, I made my housemate keep my meds in her room so I wouldn’t have access to them in the middle of the night.
Tuesday morning, I barely rolled out of bed. I was procrastinating on getting ready for class, and I realized I hadn’t checked Postsecret this week. I scrolled through the Sunday secrets, past the pictures of the Smithsonian exhibit (which I fully intend to visit), then I saw mine. I immediately recognized it. I couldn’t believe it. I thought that since it wasn’t posted 8 years ago, it would never be posted. I was so glad that I was an inspirational suicide story. It was like getting a note from my ninth grade self reassuring me that it was going to be okay.
Ironically, I’ve been showing the post to everyone. My mom told me she was so glad she never had to read it. One of my housemates hugged me and said she was getting goosebumps. My pastor said he couldn’t imagine a world without me and was also glad I had introduced him to Postsecret. My therapist was amazed that you had kept it for that long and that it must have really impacted you. She pointed out that it was clearly written by a child (with the handwriting and the purple gel pen), and that if I could impact a stranger with my story at the age of 14, imagine how I could use my story now.
Thank you so much for Postsecret. For the approximately nine years I have followed it, it has amused me, changed my perception of others, and made me realize I’m not alone. I’m am so glad that Postsecret was a way for me to reach and inspire others, even 8 years later.
Sincerely,
Claire
Aspiring social worker and life-changer
—email—
Dear Claire,
Thank you for sharing your honest story and secret. It is gratifying to see the people PostSecret touches, in the same way you will never fully appreciate all the strangers you have inspired – and will inspire.
-Frank
—email—
Dear Frank,
It has been many years, since my secret was featured on PostSecret, but I have never forgotten about it. It was a hugely transformative moment in my life. I recently decided to share the story on a podcast. Here’s the link. After my story was shared on the podcast, I got a tattoo to remind me of this whole story, and to symbolize my resilience throughout all of this. I am so grateful that I had my opportunity to share my secret with the world. I am also thankful that I am in a place where it is not a secret anymore. Thank you for providing the space to share.
