Part of being a core demo means being catered to by a variety of products and services – trinkets and baubles, lotions and potions, slakes for mortal lusts. Mork and I had a run-in with Candles For Men, back when someone recognized that men also have noses and thus might be addressable by olfactory weaponry. At the show, Gabriel was sold a candle not as a man – a state we match only the most rudimentary distinctions of – but as an adventurer, perhaps the only state to which we are less entitled to. Alas! No law may bind him; he is fifty to seventy percent beast.
In related news I was disheartened to learn about “Flrt,” which is some kind of elixir for women – a functional “women’s elixir.” With weird, cheap-looking cans and rancid copy, it’s very difficult to understand why they would make a Monster for women when women already drink Monster. Or Celsius. Or other things in cans. I can’t follow you all the way down for some conversations we could have about “capitalism” with a capital c but without veering into apocalyptics its capacity to distort reality in search of new markets is always on broad display.
Part of the lore of this newly-discovered fluid is that it “boosts collagen” and “supports skin & hair health,” which I can only assume means it contains skin and hair. Other health claims are dubious, poorly-sourced, or even incoherent: one of the ingredients appears to be a winky emoji. It also contains “micro-vaginators,” and I’m just, like… that’s not enough info.
In a rundown of reactions to this new woman-focused industrial runoff, someone suggested that it was clear they had no women on the marketing team. I understand the reflex. It’s detestable that such a call might come from inside the house. I have bad news, unfortunately. If you think Leviathan can’t speak through her, you’re only going to be more surprised when He does.
(CW)TB out.